Foie gras for mardi
(je suis le motherfucker).
Fork my sweet paté.



(TIME: 1'12")

Grounded today, but
aloft tomorrow, sat wedged
'twixt strange humanity.



(TIME: 2')

South of the border—
Tijuana brass and rum;
oops, rusty trombone.


(TIME: 2')

"Disestablishment"
is five syllables. So is
"anthropomorphize".


(TIME: I HAVE NO TIME)

James Brown was a sex
machine; but I'm building a
special cock robot.



(TIME: 3')

Your Momma's so fat,
she lost her foot to type one
diabetes. *cough*


(TIME: 1')

I think if muppets
had genitals, they would skeet
fluffy marshmallow.



(TIME: 1'25")

I'm a collector—
I collect a lot of dust.
My hobbie, my life.



(TIME 1'45")

Oh February, you
drag on like my leprous club
foot, oozing with pus.



(TIME: 2")

Hah, Julie Andrews?
So you're out now? Can I rest
my sack on your chin?




(TIME: 2'23")

Think I can stretch my
fifteen minutes of fame if
I bring more ammo.


(TIME: 2'2")

My back is killing
me today, tell your mom to
go easy next time.


(TIME: 1')

Floating, fat, naked
toddlers hunt us. Today is a
bad day for flesh wounds.


(TIME: 2'48")

Shovel, shovel, toil
and trouble, my back's on fire,
my knees were buckled.


(TIME: 2'ish)

Ohhhh, snow. You spread white
joy all over my face. God
is all, "bukkake!"


(TIME: 30")

Yesterday I learned
that forty-five percent of
Oreos are dunked.



(TIME: 2'43")

I figured out that
my blog name works here real well:
superimportant.

TIME: however long it took me to pee and walk back to my desk after peeing.

a superimportant rejected announcement

Haiku Harry, the haberdasher of hoopla, is proud to welcome two new ninja contributors to Impromptu Haiku: The Messenger and Ginsu Gary. As promised, they will stick to HH's strict code of KHT (Kamikaze Haiku Technique), and as an added bonus, all contributors will start posting their finish times. It's hardcore haiku, motherfuckers!

I took my socks off
because the AC is fucked.
sweaty feet! ha ha!

At my funeral,
I hope you scream "Oh no, he
was using brand X!"

Sweet balls, I almost
forgot to post my haiku
today! Here it is!

I must work on a
farm, 'cause a lot of headless
chickens run around.

as george carlin said,
"shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker,
motherfucker, tits."

Yesterday, Beantown.
Today, curry bean soup lunch.
My system is clean.

Today's post is from special guest contributor, Ginsu Gary:

Oops, freudian slip!
Like what I gave to your mom,
or was that my mom...

Say what you want, chimp;
the state of our disunion
is stronger. Retard.